Monthly Archives: April 2020

Non Problems

I am currently not considering anything a problem that isn’t having coronavirus or economic hardship. So let me tell you about a little non problem that just occurred.

Husband scored english muffins at the dollar store two days ago. Fun! I was hunting for them just now and they weren’t in the usual places. Then I spied them on the newly installed hallway shelf we use to store extra food. You know what’s a cool thing to do to reduce the width of your hallway, put a shelf in! Don’t you hate it if two people can easily pass without body contact. It’s how we hug around here.

So I grab the middle of the bag and it explodes like breakfast confetti all over the floor. Right next to the bag is the plastic do dad that keeps plastic bread sleeves closed. Aghhhhh!

I march indignantly to husband, DID YOU HAVE AN ENGLISH MUFFIN THIS MORNING?! DID YOU NOT RESEAL THE BAG? Yes and yes annoying harridan I am legally wed to! I did that so we wouldn’t have to touch the bag as much because I didn’t wash it after bringing it home. Now who feels like the jackass, woman!

As I type this I can’t make heads or tails of this line of thinking. Would not opening the twisted top really lead to less touching. I can not make my brain figure it out so I blow on the floor muffins, put them back in the bag haphazardly, twist it up, and wash the lower half in the sink with a soapy sponge. Can anyone on the planet earth tell me with any certainty that this was the correct course of action? There is not a single possible way to get a gold star here.

In husbands defense (if you even think he needs a defense, you may be team husband), he just had to cancel an order for a new washer and dryer because it’s 240 volt and we only have 120 and he’s spent the last 48 hours researching the non problem of how to replace our dead washing machine.

But you know what, I am grateful. For real. And my muffin was good.

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All the Good Advice I Didn’t Take

From my Dad:

If you want to make money, sell a product not yourself

and/or

Get a masters in business, I’ll pay

My response:

Nope, don’t care about money, more interested in freedom

(Wait 20 years and find out freedom is money, whoops!)

From my successful Art World Friends:

Get a Master’s in Fine Art

Make your work bigger

Maybe make your work better (if you can)

My response:

Nope, don’t want to go into debt, would rather spend money taking time off from work and just making art.

Like to keep it little cuz………..that’s just how it comes out? Don’t know how to make it bigger? Don’t want to store big shit?

Can’t make it better but I’m trying.

From various people who care:

Buy a house

My response:

Can’t cuz I didn’t take the earlier advice

All of this advice haunts me but I don’t regret my decisions. I think I would be very unhappy and not fit for friendship if I had been employed as a mid level manager these past 20 years. I would probably have a house though. I wonder how it would be decorated?

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