Relationships – Page 3 – Sidewalk Face

The Rumpled Persona

January 2, 2022January 2, 2022by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl10 Comments

I was absolutely dying to take my persona off. I’d had it up to here with being polite, chipper, enthusiastic, patient, accommodating and on time. I wriggled out of it so fast I didn’t notice I’d forgotten to hang it up.

I have to put it back on tomorrow and was disheartened to find it compressed under a pile of unaccomplished to-do-list-items and some dirty socks, probably the mates of all those single socks that came out of the laundry as an annoying bafflement.

It looks even heavier than I remembered. I wish there was a Persona drycleaner who could steam it back into something elegant and desirable, maybe stuff its pockets with a few extra witty bon mots and some sincere sounding answers to the question, how was your holidays?.

It’s not that the answer is terrible, I had a lovely holiday, it’s just that I want to be wild and free a little longer. My inner wildness is uncivilized. It doesn’t want to be seen. It wants to be in the woods. But it’s also a bit reckless, tracking mud everywhere, howling and snarling just for fun. I don’t want to get that mud on anyone I care about. I don’t want someone to accidently get snarled at.

The Persona is graceful and kind, she always wipes her feet on the doormat and greets the door opener with a smile. I would like her to greet me first, to tell me everything is going to be ok. Then I would feel comforted as I slipped her back on, knowing that while she constrains, she also prevents regret.

Relationships, Striving to Be Better

I Don’t Like This But It Seems Like It’s My Fault

December 9, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl8 Comments

My husband just told me that if we are on a plane together and something starts to go wrong, he is going to sit with someone else because I get too upset.*

I don’t like this at all, but it’s kind of on me, right? I need to calm down.

I am not good at being calm when a lot of unpleasant unknowns are coming at me.

My first reaction is to short circuit and yell. I start making it all about me. How dare reality impinge on my wellbeing like this?! Neither admirable nor attractive, I too would skitter away if possible.

On the positive side, I usually get my shit back together reasonably fast. I don’t stay in that state for hours on end. I burn bright and quick. Since I really want to be a source of strength and pleasure for those in my company, I try to tidy up the emotional mess soon after it appears. But I just can’t seem to figure out how to nip it in the bud.

I hate sharing this because all I seem to hear is meditation mediation meditation. I know! And I do! My goodness. That’s how I am able to right the ship. I am very mindful. Mindful enough to know I am an animal and when I get scared, that’s not the time to try and pet me. I have to have my little moment of pure shock.

Life is quite challenging. It’s very hard to be perfect. If you’re stoic, which is awesome on bumpy airplanes, you might not be the most fun. If you’re emotional, which is taxing, you might give the best hugs. If you’re resourceful and effective, you might seem too competent to empathize. If you’re a wreck, you might be exciting but unreliable. You just can’t do it all and be it all. I would like to, to be everything to everybody. But I can’t and I don’t and I’m not. Oh well.

But I think I will try to be one iota more contained. An iota a day keeps the husband not away.

*Just in case you are new here, my husband said this in jest, and it was well deserved. He would not actually abandon me on a plane or anywhere. He is a very nice man. I am glad he said it because it’s important to know when you’re at the boundary of too annoying to put up with. If someone cares enough to give you a signal, you can retreat a few steps back and just be moderately annoying.

Humor, Relationships

Well, Well Well! What Have We Here?

November 19, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl13 Comments

Coming back from a hike I say to my husband, Look what I found!

Are you going to put that on?

I put it on.

Oughh! I hope you’re going to wash your hands.

I shrug and move and my fingers dramatically.

You got it out of a drainpipe?

Don’t worry, I already checked for spiders.

Is that fresh blood or printed on?

No comment.

You’re crazy. Put that in the laundry.

Full story. I saw something while walking back to my car. I didn’t say to myself, oh look at that. I just found myself staring at what seemed like deflated starfish tentacles stuck in a drainpipe. I pulled on it and discovered a glove. Most likely a post Halloween artifact. I pinched each glove finger and squeezed up and down the length to disable anything that might be tempted to bite me, then slipped it on. It was pleasingly strange. I don’t have anything like this. Not that I know what I would do it with it but surely something will come to mind. It’s not going to take up much space. I’ve picked up and carried home much more annoying items. I was keen to show my husband the full effect, but he wasn’t nearly as excited as I was.

I wonder who lost it? A teenager, a child? An adult? I doubt that little Hollywood Hills dead ender has much trick or treat action so probably someone on their way to or from a party. But surely it was lost on the street. Who picked it up and stuck it so purposely in the drainpipe? A do gooder who thought the owner would come back and find out. Sorry good Samaritan but not a likely scenario. Who would shorten the productive part of their day to haul ass to the neighborhood of a recent holiday party to search for a misplaced faux bloody spider fingers glove? So why pick it up out of the gutter? Or did they just think it looked cool, a little random local art installation. Did anyone else notice it, touch it, try it on? Would you?