Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl

How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything

June 29, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl2 Comments

Like a song stuck in my head, this phrase has been showing up and forcing me to consider it, such as when I’m washing the dishes. I’ll be sort of low key irritated and rushed, the idea being I could do what I really want to do if only I was done with the dishes. The problem is that when I get to what I really want to do, I still feel low key irritated and rushed. All I know is being low key irritated and rushed, that’s what I have been practicing over and over.

My yoga teacher used to say this phrase in class, back when I went to yoga, before the pandemic. I found it very helpful. It increased my concentration, my focus, it helped me stop trying to escape or go faster.

I’ve written it down in my summer fun book (referenced in the prior post) and am contemplating it as often as possible. This morning while working on my abstract of the day, also in the summer fun book, I noticed that I was low key irritated and rushed. Or maybe a little more like, what’s the point of this, you should be doing something productive. Like what?! Like doing the dishes? I have created a system where I can’t win. I quickly moved past it. I have more flexibility than I am letting on. But it takes some effort and consciousness to move my attitude. Every day, all day long, I have to adjust and readjust.

The way I would like to be doing everything is peacefully, with no struggle. Just doing it, like it’s the most pleasant thing in the world.

Art, Creative Process, Striving to Be Better

Leaving Crumbs All Over Is Good

June 26, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl6 Comments

I hate crumbs on a table. I like a clean table. Kitchen crumbs are no good, but they are the byproduct of doing kitchen stuff. Has anyone ever eaten without crumbs? No. And we love to eat so, hello crumbs!

In art, crumbs are a great reminder to use the kitchen. The kitchen is the studio or wherever, however, you are making art. Because we don’t have to make art the way we have to eat, we can sometimes prefer neatness to the point of nothingness. I think it’s a really good idea to actually see, with your eyes, the art tools and some of the art, to remind yourself to do it. To remind yourself you like doing it.

I just got a new blank book. It’s called Summer 2021 Fun Book. Can you guess why I named it that? It’s aspirational. I need to have more fun. And even more importantly, I need to honor the fun I allow myself to have. I need to not take it for granted. So, I am marking it down.

One way I am having more fun, and conversely, having less not-fun, is I’ve put an end to reading the news on my iPhone in the morning. Instead I am drawing a quick abstract in my fun book. I am currently doing them all in a grid style, so I hardly have to think about what to do when I am still coming to consciousness with the first coffee of the day.

As a world class guff giver, some grumpy part of myself will grudgingly grab the book and start grumbly about the point of it all, or the lack of point. What are you going to do with this abstract? What’s it for? Who’s going to see it? SHUT UP! It’s for fun you asinine loudmouth! It’s a crumb. It’s a trail of crumbs to lead us out of the forest of depression and anxiety back to the meadow, to the light, to love. It’s a gift to our future self. It tells us we care; we are brave, and we didn’t’ waste our life wondering but never trying. It’s not for anyone to see but me! It’s for me. It’s to save me from gloom. Now go get the bucket of markers, hit play on our Spotify Morning playlist and enjoy yourself for a change.

Relationships, Striving to Be Better

Husband Does Dishes. Wife Gives Him Grief.

June 23, 2021June 23, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl9 Comments

I might be a moron. Or I might have a legitimate gripe. I am not sure. You tell me.

I think I’m better at systems than my husband. But what’s the prize for having the best system? It’s not as if we are both going to a systems review committee and one of us gets a prize. Then the person who doesn’t get the prize is like, OMG, I love you more than ever. How am I so lucky to live with someone more clever than me? Please remind me of that daily. It’s so inspirational.

Let me lay out the nuts and bolts. We don’t have a dishwasher. We are the dishwasher. Therefore, there are always dirty dishes to do and there are always clean dishes in the rack needing to be put away. You wash a dish drain’s worth, let them dry, put them away and then do some more.

Not my husband. He likes to add wet dishes to the dry dishes. If the rack is full and there are two spoons in the sink, he will wash the stupid spoons, sprinkling water all over everything as he nestles them in with the dry ones. Now you can’t put the clean dishes away because they are no longer dry. This is like moving the trash bins to the end of the driveway before backing out. It doesn’t work! Wrong order!

We’ve discussed his methodology almost as frequently as talking about what’s for dinner. He’s not a fan of this conversation and more accurately describes it as berating. After countless spins on the merry go round of why are you like this, I’m still not sure. Direct inquiry has not been as revealing as hoped, but I think he just hates putting dishes away. He prefers washing. I find this so weird. Washing is way worse than emptying. But there it is. We are different. We have different preferences.

So how big of a deal is this? Is this a good hill to die on? Is there a scenario where I will truly be happier if I shame my dish washing husband into washing fewer dishes? Has any wife ever asked this question? What is wrong with me!

Since I am so freaking good at systems, even I can see that I am the problem here. Efficiency is a useful tool for time management but it’s not a treasure. Of all the things holding me back from peace of mind, the state of the dish drain is not one of them. I’ve never thought, I’ve got to get into therapy and deal with this dish drain situation. I can’t take one more minute of it! Okay, actually I have thought that.

I am starting to see that my desire for rigid systems is the way I self regulate. If the chores are under control. Then maybe my life is under control. When I see my husband sprinkle water on dry dishes it can feel like he is inviting chaos over for dinner. I am not saying he is; I am saying it can feel like it. But that’s on me. It’s not true and it’s a stupid over reaction.

I really love being efficient but as I stated here, Being Efficient isn’t a Great Epithet, rather than be admired for something that leads to imperceptible gains, I should like to be remembered as someone who was pleasant to be around. Maybe those newly wet tupperware lids are a sign to go make some art or tell someone I love them.