Bad Outcome

Bad Outcome

Sometimes things are going to take a turn for the worse and there is nothing that can change it. It’s just a matter of which kind of worse. The only options revolve around which aesthetic annoyance will be less intolerable. I picked the worst option but only because I didn’t know until it was too late that it was the worst.

We have a room in the middle of our apartment that serves as the dining room, my office and the art studio. That’s a lot for one room. What a good job it does. Most of the apartment is off white but one wall in the office is painted an olive-y brown. Artwork really pops of this darker color. This wall includes the closet door I use as my studio wall, I hang my abstracts there while I am working on them. Sometimes they go up for five minutes so I can contemplate what to do next, but often they are taped up for several weeks, either waiting to be finished or after they are complete so I can ponder them.

I removed one recently and some of the paint stuck to the back of the tape holding it up. I tried to peel it off in the hope I could glue it back in place, but it crumbled into multiple bits. Insert swear words. I like to swear but I am really trying not to anymore. That’ another post. I was struck with the fact that I could either prioritize making art or prioritize living in a nice-looking home. Of course, I should have saved some of the paint for touch ups. But damn, how many things is one supposed to get right?! Whoops! A little swear blurped out.

It gets worse. I figured if I didn’t have any paint, I would just use one of my colored markers to touch it up. You can see the hideous results for yourself. What an ugly mess. I don’t know what we are going to do. I am so annoyed and yet I don’t know how it could be different. I want to prioritize art. Period! But I also don’t want to live in dilapidation. Oh well. Can’t have it all. But I can put a little eye and mouth on the hideous smear and at least amuse myself. Laughing to keep from crying.

HIIT for Creativity

HIIT for Creativity

Sometime in 2015 I started making 9 inch by 9 inch abstracts with alcohol based markers. I do this activity most weekend nights. Pre-pandemic, I would also socialize but I usually make about one a week. I haven’t counted my output but it’s a lot.

Maybe a year ago the supplies were organized, markers separated by colors into three containers (warm, cool and neutral), finished work dated and put in box. Now there are many containers with no categorization. Worse, there are four pads of paper, each holding undated finished pieces, some that still have the tape I use to hang them while working. A few are quite good. One I felt should be framed and hung. How had it gotten so neglected? One was stunningly bad. Color selection is atrocious. Why put baby blue with so many warms tones? Composition is maybe the worst ever. The opposite of harmony. Looking at it is like eating a lunch of leftovers from three culturally distinct meals, spaghetti with seaweed salad and a few bites of burrito. That one is never going into the box!

I was noticing all of this as I set up last night. It made me a little uneasy. What is all this about? my mind demanded to know. What exactly are you doing here? What’s the point? You’re awfully messy. If you can’t even preserve the ones you’ve already made, why are you making more?

Ack! I couldn’t put the music on fast enough!

With monkey mind diverted by song I choose some markers and got to it. Ten songs later and a good way into the piece I started pondering again, but with a more enthusiastic perspective. Doing this is practice for everything else. If I can be brave enough to confront a blank piece of paper and not walk away until it’s totally filled, I can do that in other arenas as well. I can do that in my job, which requires a lot of stamina and creative decision making. I can do that in my relationships, which require me to fully be present and open to unknown terrain, some of it quite anxiety producing. By engaging over and over in creative uncertainty, watching it resolve through choice and time, I learn that I am competent to do that. There is almost nothing more useful.

Making one mark after another over and over makes me stronger. It’s a workout for creativity. It’s like a very targeted exercise that uses repetition to build of intuitive muscle matter. Some are good and I feel so grateful. Some are hideous and I hate it. It’s not about getting it right every time, it’s about getting it done and learning from what the finalized piece has to offer.

I like the thoughts I have while making art so much more than the thoughts I have when I am only thinking about making it.



I am a stickler about accuracy and my headline does not match my essay. I didn’t draw a sufficient parallel to High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT). I just used the word as a synonym for workout because Workout for Creativity is Blah! Maybe another time, goodness knows I’ve been known to do a part one and part two of a topic.

Get Out Your Fancy Beach Shoes!

Get Out Your Fancy Beach Shoes!

I always find the best opportunities when I am not looking for them and don’t want them. Actually, is it ever the case I don’t want them? Hard to say. Take this one for example. My son and I went for a long beach walk. I made a face in the sand while we sat and talked but it was so similar to a recent sand face that there was no point taking a photo. I don’t like to be redundant. I was fine with not getting a new face because I was more focused on our conversation and being together. 

We were happily trudging back towards pavement when I came across this shoe. It’s instantaneous for me. I HAVE TO MAKE A FACE! It doesn’t feel like a choice. All facial items were located in the circumference of a squat within 60 seconds. Need white? How about two tiny broken clam shells? Need black? Here’s two small pebbles. Need a mouth? Try this dried bit of plant matter. If it doesn’t look good laid down flat, jab it in sideways and make a shadow. 

Man oh man I like him! And so did my son. Being a fancy woman’s shoe he should be a lady but I think he’s a rescue pilot having a good day which means someone was found and retrieved. Hurray! Or maybe she’s a female pilot, or a nonbinary pilot. Who knows?! But they just saved someone and looked fabulous doing it! 

Thank you abandoned shoe for being the momento of my lovely day with my lovely child.