Funny – Page 4 – Sidewalk Face

Do These Pants Look Good On Me?

October 3, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl9 Comments

I come in from a dog walk, my husband greets me, strikes a pose and asks the title question. He is wearing a pair of brand new jeans. He wants a simple and enthusiastic yes! Instead he gets an incredulous look and a metric ton of snark.

Are you kidding me with this!?

He hasn’t bought new jeans since the pandemic. It’s been months and months since house arrest. We do go out now. I’ve had to accept the fact that relaxer pants, as he calls them, are the only option. I have said quite a few times, go get yourself some new Levis. Lord have mercy does he look good in new Levis. How does he have these Levis loooking trousers and not know it? Have these fantastic pants been in his drawer unnoticed for a year and a half? Are you telling me he could have worn these jeans to our anniversary dinner? I am paralyzed by bafflement.

After my attempt to physically convey total aghast-ness, I switch gears and yell, You look freaking amazing! Those are the best pants I’ve seen on you in ages!

So, they look ok?

I glare at him.

Just say yes.

Yes. Yes! If by ok, you mean great than yes! Where have these been?

You think the cut is okay?

What are you talking about!?

Is this style alright?

You have only worn one style of jeans the entire time I have known you and this is that style. These jeans are perfect on you.

They don’t look weird anywhere?

Where?! Where do they look weird? Point to the problem.

He just shrugs.

They could not look one bit better. Please do not take them off.

So, you like them?

I am screaming what he wants to hear in an aggrieved tone. Why isn’t he be placated?

NEVER BE WITHOUT THESE EXCEPTIONALLY FLATTERING JEANS!

He sips his coffee then exits the kitchen.

I often ask him if my hair looks okay, my long straight hair which hasn’t been out of a braid or ponytail since I was eight years old. Not much to comment on. But he wants you to know he always says it looks nice and then says nothing else. What a lovely man. Doesn’t he look good in his new pants.

Art, Sidewalk Faces

Killer Pic

September 25, 2021October 11, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl6 Comments

There’s an internet thing that goes: You just died, the 10^th pic in your gallery is what killed you. It’s been around for quite a while, but I missed it until this past week. It got me curious enough to open up the photos on my phone and count back ten. Pretty weird. Weird enough to share.

Art, Creative Process

You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me

July 27, 2021September 25, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl5 Comments

My inner critic sucks. The epitome of never happy. You cannot please them. Every choice is wrong. Until this recent revelation, I thought they just had an extremely narrow definition of success. I didn’t realize how useless they were. I am glad I know. Let me tell you what they did in case yours is pulling the same boondoggle.

As mentioned in a recent post, I bought myself a new little hardback art journal. I am mostly making abstract grid patterns. It’s fun, relaxing and inspirational. The patterns are evolving rapidly and it’s super exciting to me. I thought it would be exciting to the inner critic too. I thought the main thing the inner critic was mad about was us not making enough art. They are always yapping away at me that I am wasting time, not completing projects, not drawing, not working harder. So, this explosion of art making that’s been going on was sure to be crowd pleaser. I was even expecting a pat on the back.

So I was making art the other evening, drawing in my book and I did a page, finished it pretty fast and felt I wanted to keep going so I did a second version, then I started a third. This is cool, theme and variation, exploration, not getting tired or bored. Well guess what my little turd of an inner critic starts to say: Hey, you only have about 1/4 of the book left, are you really going to use up your remaining pages on this? It’s not that good. You are going too fast, you should only make one a day. At this rate your book won’t last through July. It won’t last the summer. I thought it was called the Summer Fun Book. You already have too many books. You can’t blow through books this fast. What are you going to do with all these books when you have to move?

STOP!

Let me get this straight, I am bad if I don’t make art and I am bad if I make too much?

You are fired! I am firing you. You do not have the job anymore. I do not want you around. You suck.

Does anyone know a pleasant and supportive inner voice that needs a home. I am currently hiring.

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