Humor – Page 6 – Sidewalk Face

Husband Does Dishes. Wife Gives Him Grief.

June 23, 2021June 23, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl9 Comments

I might be a moron. Or I might have a legitimate gripe. I am not sure. You tell me.

I think I’m better at systems than my husband. But what’s the prize for having the best system? It’s not as if we are both going to a systems review committee and one of us gets a prize. Then the person who doesn’t get the prize is like, OMG, I love you more than ever. How am I so lucky to live with someone more clever than me? Please remind me of that daily. It’s so inspirational.

Let me lay out the nuts and bolts. We don’t have a dishwasher. We are the dishwasher. Therefore, there are always dirty dishes to do and there are always clean dishes in the rack needing to be put away. You wash a dish drain’s worth, let them dry, put them away and then do some more.

Not my husband. He likes to add wet dishes to the dry dishes. If the rack is full and there are two spoons in the sink, he will wash the stupid spoons, sprinkling water all over everything as he nestles them in with the dry ones. Now you can’t put the clean dishes away because they are no longer dry. This is like moving the trash bins to the end of the driveway before backing out. It doesn’t work! Wrong order!

We’ve discussed his methodology almost as frequently as talking about what’s for dinner. He’s not a fan of this conversation and more accurately describes it as berating. After countless spins on the merry go round of why are you like this, I’m still not sure. Direct inquiry has not been as revealing as hoped, but I think he just hates putting dishes away. He prefers washing. I find this so weird. Washing is way worse than emptying. But there it is. We are different. We have different preferences.

So how big of a deal is this? Is this a good hill to die on? Is there a scenario where I will truly be happier if I shame my dish washing husband into washing fewer dishes? Has any wife ever asked this question? What is wrong with me!

Since I am so freaking good at systems, even I can see that I am the problem here. Efficiency is a useful tool for time management but it’s not a treasure. Of all the things holding me back from peace of mind, the state of the dish drain is not one of them. I’ve never thought, I’ve got to get into therapy and deal with this dish drain situation. I can’t take one more minute of it! Okay, actually I have thought that.

I am starting to see that my desire for rigid systems is the way I self regulate. If the chores are under control. Then maybe my life is under control. When I see my husband sprinkle water on dry dishes it can feel like he is inviting chaos over for dinner. I am not saying he is; I am saying it can feel like it. But that’s on me. It’s not true and it’s a stupid over reaction.

I really love being efficient but as I stated here, Being Efficient isn’t a Great Epithet, rather than be admired for something that leads to imperceptible gains, I should like to be remembered as someone who was pleasant to be around. Maybe those newly wet tupperware lids are a sign to go make some art or tell someone I love them.

Art

How to Make a Peach

June 9, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-OwlLeave a Comment

If you were tasked with making a peach, could you do it? How would you start? What raw ingredients would you gather?

Unlike cooking, you wouldn’t need a kitchen or utensils or anything from the grocery store. You would need a capsule full of DNA, a bunch of totally broken up material from dead things mixed with minerals and some super tiny living things too small to see, a little wetness, and one giant ball of gas that for some reason sticks together and produces light from a huge distance. Mix together and then wait almost a decade. Practically nothing happens at all except a bunch of wood comes from nowhere.

Finally, if you are patient and lucky a small orangish orb appears and unlike the hard, dry material that it dangles from, this delicate little blob is juicy.

But where does the taste come from? How does wood produce soft, sugary flesh with the flavor of angels? I am not asking for a scientific explanation. And I am certainly not asking for a mystical one. I loosely understand the “steps” but that does nothing to de-mystify the mystery. Reality is so much stranger than it’s possible to comprehend. That incredible taste, that drippy juice comes from wood, dirt and sunshine? Are you kidding me?! Go mix up some dirt and wood with a little water and it’s not going to be edible even if you eat it at noon. The missing ingredient is DNA and time? If I add those to the bowl of glop will it taste better?

We are living amongst such sophisticated intelligence that we ourselves are as ants in our comprehension. Well, maybe not all of us. Some people build airplanes for a living and that is also freaky. But an airplane, though much more transformative than a peach, is not delicious. Deliciousness was created by processes both larger and smaller than us. But not the ability to appreciate deliciousness. That we can handle.

Art, Creative Process

The Power of Artificial Constraints

June 3, 2021September 25, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl12 Comments

Two short stories and a lesson.

Story One. I like to drink coffee in the morning, and I like it hot, hotter than the coffee maker makes it. So, I put my mug in the microwave for an additional 20 second blast and then I race to grab as much silverware as I can out of the dish drain and try to put it all away before the buzzer goes off. If I’m not holding it when I hear the sound I win and if I am still holding it, I lose. Despite the absence of stakes, I feel a little upset if I don’t get it done in time. Functional!

Story Two. Sometime before 3rd grade I lived in a very hilly neighborhood with winding roads. I liked to tell myself I could only use the breaks on my bike two times while coming home. This ultimately resulted in a total wipe out that ruined my bike and left me bloody and limping. Commitment!

Lesson. Create artificial restraints in your art practice. Make some rules. The thing about rules is they have to be clear as day and non-negotiable. They do not have to make sense or be good. Even if they make no sense they will work. The other thing about rules is they have to be fun. Fun to YOU! Not a rule you wanted or hoped would be fun. No, that’s Monopoly, a long and stupid game that you don’t want to play. The rules absolutely, positively have to be FUN! Make a piece of art, you win.

If you make up weird little rules for yourself, please share. I would love to know I am not the only weirdo.

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