You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me

You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me

My inner critic sucks. The epitome of never happy. You cannot please them. Every choice is wrong. Until this recent revelation, I thought they just had an extremely narrow definition of success. I didn’t realize how useless they were. I am glad I know. Let me tell you what they did in case yours is pulling the same boondoggle.

As mentioned in a recent post, I bought myself a new little hardback art journal. I am mostly making abstract grid patterns. It’s fun, relaxing and inspirational. The patterns are evolving rapidly and it’s super exciting to me. I thought it would be exciting to the inner critic too. I thought the main thing the inner critic was mad about was us not making enough art. They are always yapping away at me that I am wasting time, not completing projects, not drawing, not working harder. So, this explosion of art making that’s been going on was sure to be crowd pleaser. I was even expecting a pat on the back.

So I was making art the other evening, drawing in my book and I did a page, finished it pretty fast and felt I wanted to keep going so I did a second version, then I started a third. This is cool, theme and variation, exploration, not getting tired or bored. Well guess what my little turd of an inner critic starts to say: Hey, you only have about 1/4 of the book left, are you really going to use up your remaining pages on this? It’s not that good. You are going too fast, you should only make one a day. At this rate your book won’t last through July. It won’t last the summer. I thought it was called the Summer Fun Book. You already have too many books. You can’t blow through books this fast. What are you going to do with all these books when you have to move?

STOP!

Let me get this straight, I am bad if I don’t make art and I am bad if I make too much?

You are fired! I am firing you. You do not have the job anymore. I do not want you around. You suck.

Does anyone know a pleasant and supportive inner voice that needs a home. I am currently hiring.

Sidewalk Face 94

How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything

How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything

Like a song stuck in my head, this phrase has been showing up and forcing me to consider it, such as when I’m washing the dishes. I’ll be sort of low key irritated and rushed, the idea being I could do what I really want to do if only I was done with the dishes. The problem is that when I get to what I really want to do, I still feel low key irritated and rushed. All I know is being low key irritated and rushed, that’s what I have been practicing over and over.

My yoga teacher used to say this phrase in class, back when I went to yoga, before the pandemic. I found it very helpful. It increased my concentration, my focus, it helped me stop trying to escape or go faster.

I’ve written it down in my summer fun book (referenced in the prior post) and am contemplating it as often as possible. This morning while working on my abstract of the day, also in the summer fun book, I noticed that I was low key irritated and rushed. Or maybe a little more like, what’s the point of this, you should be doing something productive. Like what?! Like doing the dishes? I have created a system where I can’t win. I quickly moved past it. I have more flexibility than I am letting on. But it takes some effort and consciousness to move my attitude. Every day, all day long, I have to adjust and readjust.

The way I would like to be doing everything is peacefully, with no struggle. Just doing it, like it’s the most pleasant thing in the world.