Flowery Advice to Shut Up!

Flowery Advice to Shut Up!

My husband and I had our dumbest fight ever. It was about whether or not to include pinenuts in a pasta dish. I didn’t care and he wanted them. That is totally AOK. No issues at all. I like pine nuts. But I wanted him to understand my perspective and after explaining it for quite a while, he said he no longer wanted pinenuts. That was not at all what I was trying to achieve. I wanted understanding. He wanted release from being made to understand. What to do?!

A few days later I wrote the following paragraph as advice to myself. It’s very useful and necessary for me, maybe less so for people who don’t talk so much or who don’t have an obsessive need to communicate their every inner rumination.

Try to swallow your complaints, your perspective, your need to be understood on your own terms. Try not having terms. Your terms are as a sandcastle to the surf of other. Try to enjoy merging with the ocean. It’s going to happen regardless of your compliant.

On another note, these are a few recent abstracts from my current little book. I plan to write about them soon. I’ve been doing theme and variation on the idea of grid.

Being Needed

Being Needed

We are selfish and we want what we want. Yet true pleasure, safety and comfort comes from connection. Connection makes demands. Connection demands that we drop our plans.

When you have to do that and you feel resentment creeping in, tell yourself this is the price you agreed to pay to be in intimacy. When you imagined weathering hard times, these are them. You are weathering. Good job!

Being of service is the apex state you can be in. But it’s only achievable from the stable platform of health and a solid sense of self. You can’t give to others what you don’t have. So, include yourself in who you serve. Give yourself credit for all the hard stuff you do. Appreciate the people who need you. Remember the best hug you ever had? That person definitely needed you.