wisdom – Sidewalk Face

Without Time, Nothing

May 25, 2023by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl4 Comments

The number one ingredient in any art cake is time. Time is the flour, indispensable. If you don’t have chocolate, no problem, make it vanilla. If you don’t have nuts, add raisins. No, don’t do that. That sounds awful. Maybe add rice krispies so it’s still crunchy? None of that matters. Art isn’t a cake so time isn’t flour but nevertheless without time, no art will get made.

I’ve always thought this but recently I’ve experienced it. So though, believing it to be true, I was perhaps taking it on faith. Now I know. For sure. 100 Percent. It’s true.

I DID NOT HAVE TIME, I DID NOT MAKE ART.

Let me back up and say, despite the all caps proclamation above I am not talking about Capital A art. I am talking about exercising the basic creativity to make life worth living. I mean I am sure Capital A art also needs time. Obviously any endeavor happens over time and therefore needs it.

Oh my goodness, is this blog post worth reading? Can I say something an idiot doesn’t already know?

I guess this is to say, more than ever before, I am grateful for and valuing the time I have to pursue creative activities. It’s been the central organizing factor of my life. It’s been my priority forever. I mean, I do take care of responsibilities first (got to pay the bills!) but if I have a little bundle of time, making stuff if what I enjoy.

So, it was tough when there was no time. And I suspect, I will experience that again. Frankly, it’s made me feel cagey and agitated. But’s it’s also made me want to make the most of now. I want to get back to it!

If you are curious and I am frustrating you with my lack of expository information, I had a ton of work in the last year. I also had a higher dose of anxiety than I am rated for, and I felt I was on the verge of short circuiting at every moment. I didn’t short circuit, I did all the work, and I even did one or two drawings and some sidewalk faces. My friends didn’t find me repulsive, in fact they really came through for me. So, I managed. But I was losing my essence, my joie de vivre, my sense of fun, the thing that makes me excited. Sometimes you can’t see something until it’s gone. I didn’t know this thing could go. I’ve felt it wax and wane, but never for this long. It’s been concerning.

I think the most important thing in the world is being in relationship. I have done my best to attend to the ones I have. And I am committed to continuing to attend to them. But one relationship that must be included in the list is the one we have with our selves. And the way I spend time with myself, is making art. The way I nurture that relationship, the way I grow that relationship, the way I understand myself is through this activity. Without it, I am actually not sure who I am.

I am so happy to have some time again.

—

I wrote that in late January. I came back over here today to see what if any breadcrumbs I had left myself. How thoughtful of me to have written an entire blog post that is still relevant. I am over here on my WordPress desktop app tip toe-ing around, seeing if I can get back on this blog horse. Maybe I can entice him with some imaginary apple art cake. So grateful I have the time to try!

Declutter, Humor, Relationships, wisdom

Lesson Not Taught

November 29, 2022by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl14 Comments

Reoccurring problem. My husband sees an empty space and fills it. For him, domestic space is like a supermarket parking lot. If you don’t see a car there, feel free to drive into the spot. To me, our domestic space is a like an apartment building with leased parking spaces. Only one item has legitimate claim to any given area. You cannot be where you don’t belong, or you will be towed away at your own expense.

At the end of our hallway is large desk size built in shelf. This space has been doing triple duty for more than two and half years. One third is where I store my two purses, next to that is overflow food storage, and next to that are hard drives. Don’t worry, the sugar does not comingle with the technology. They are separated by bins and baskets. As I write it out, this arrangement sounds strange. I wish it were differernt but who has the time and space to make things not weird.

So yesterday, both purses are lolling around in chairs making it hard to sit down. Tidying up, I gather them, walk them over to the purse basket and find a five-pound bag of whole wheat flour sitting in their spot! UGH! I am instantly annoyed. My kid wanders by, and I ask in a rather surly tone,

Did you put this here?!

No!

Just as I suspected, it’s dad! I am going to teach him a lesson.

My kid looks at me skeptically. Maybe even disapprovingly. I probably should heed the message in their body language, but the rush of frustration is already in full gallop, and I march the big bag of flour to his desk and deposit it in his chair. Now he will know what it is like to find a place you intend to use blocked by a ridiculous culinary obstacle.

I bide my time, waiting for him to need his computer. I am waiting for some type of outburst. Disappointed, nothing happens.

I check his chair and the flour is gone. It’s back on the shelf next to the purses where it belongs. I retrieve it and march it back to him.

Did you notice this on your chair? I demand.

I was wondering how that got there, he says totally nonchalant. It’s like it doesn’t matter one way or another. What’s so mysterious about a five-pound bag of flour showing up in your office? It doesn’t faze him. In his world, bags of flour being accidently deposited on office chairs is just a thing that can happen that needs no explanation, that jumpstarts no line of questioning, it forces no interrogation of fellow family members. This man cannot be taught a lesson!

I attempt to explain the outlandish violation and he says he has no idea that my purses go in a purse basket. He says he thought the whole thing was grocery storage.

What?!?

Well, here’s what. What I think of as our systems are really only my systems. He says now he knows and will not do it again.

That should make me happy, and it’s probably true as who wouldn’t want to avoid another run in with me in this state. But I am not satisfied. I wanted to make him be like me and he is not like me.

He is not like me.

This is a good thing. He doesn’t explode out of the blue. He doesn’t need organizational integrity to be ok. And it’s okay that I do create systems. I just need to understand that I am the person responsible for their maintenance. I am best suited for that, and he is best suited for not being a critical jerk.

I am the one who keeps not learning the lesson. I need to learn the lesson.

Sidewalk Face 1230 and 1231.

Sidewalk Faces, Striving to Be Better, wisdom

Hard

September 30, 2022by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl12 Comments

I feel better after a period of not feeling better. Hurray!

Of course, I am looking around to see how I can preserve this feeling. If I don’t’ use it all can I have a doggie bag?

What I would like to say to myself is, we don’t have doggie bags but good job getting back here. I watched you and I know it wasn’t easy. Can you try to remember next time that you will get it back and not fret so much that the length of time equals permanence. A long time does not equal forever. A short time does not mean it’s all over. Time ebbs and flows and good feelings ebb and flow. It’s all coming and going. The very best thing is to give love to others. And even better is to receive it when it’s given.

I am not so good at that, but I am practicing so I can get better.