Like a song stuck in my head, this phrase has been showing up and forcing me to consider it, such as when I’m washing the dishes. I’ll be sort of low key irritated and rushed, the idea being I could do what I really want to do if only I was done with the dishes. The problem is that when I get to what I really want to do, I still feel low key irritated and rushed. All I know is being low key irritated and rushed, that’s what I have been practicing over and over.
My yoga teacher used to say this phrase in class, back when I went to yoga, before the pandemic. I found it very helpful. It increased my concentration, my focus, it helped me stop trying to escape or go faster.
I’ve written it down in my summer fun book (referenced in theprior post) and am contemplating it as often as possible. This morning while working on my abstract of the day, also in the summer fun book, I noticed that I was low key irritated and rushed. Or maybe a little more like, what’s the point of this, you should be doing something productive. Like what?! Like doing the dishes? I have created a system where I can’t win. I quickly moved past it. I have more flexibility than I am letting on. But it takes some effort and consciousness to move my attitude. Every day, all day long, I have to adjust and readjust.
The way I would like to be doing everything is peacefully, with no struggle. Just doing it, like it’s the most pleasant thing in the world.
I hate crumbs on a table. I like a clean table. Kitchen crumbs are no good, but they are the byproduct of doing kitchen stuff. Has anyone ever eaten without crumbs? No. And we love to eat so, hello crumbs!
In art, crumbs are a great reminder to use the kitchen. The kitchen is the studio or wherever, however, you are making art. Because we don’t have to make art the way we have to eat, we can sometimes prefer neatness to the point of nothingness. I think it’s a really good idea to actually see, with your eyes, the art tools and some of the art, to remind yourself to do it. To remind yourself you like doing it.
I just got a new blank book. It’s called Summer 2021 Fun Book. Can you guess why I named it that? It’s aspirational. I need to have more fun. And even more importantly, I need to honor the fun I allow myself to have. I need to not take it for granted. So, I am marking it down.
One way I am having more fun, and conversely, having less not-fun, is I’ve put an end to reading the news on my iPhone in the morning. Instead I am drawing a quick abstract in my fun book. I am currently doing them all in a grid style, so I hardly have to think about what to do when I am still coming to consciousness with the first coffee of the day.
As a world class guff giver, some grumpy part of myself will grudgingly grab the book and start grumbly about the point of it all, or the lack of point. What are you going to do with this abstract? What’s it for? Who’s going to see it? SHUT UP! It’s for fun you asinine loudmouth! It’s a crumb. It’s a trail of crumbs to lead us out of the forest of depression and anxiety back to the meadow, to the light, to love. It’s a gift to our future self. It tells us we care; we are brave, and we didn’t’ waste our life wondering but never trying. It’s not for anyone to see but me! It’s for me. It’s to save me from gloom. Now go get the bucket of markers, hit play on our Spotify Morning playlist and enjoy yourself for a change.