Dislodging the Unmovable Boulder

Dislodging the Unmovable Boulder

I wanted flowers. I planted flowers. I expected flowers. Why didn’t I water them?!

Three years ago, I put a whole bunch of images up on a photography-based website that lets you sell directly to people. So convenient. The website is sidewalkface.com. It was a lot of effort, but I persevered because it gave me the ability to sell prints and present the sidewalk faces in thematic groupings. Right off the bat I made a bunch of sales. I was happy. I thought I would have so much fun keeping it updated.

Then…..

Nothing happened. Not with other people. With me! I stopped interacting creatively with the website. Why? I don’t know. I don’t like it? I don’t know why I don’t like. I don’t want to know what my hands are currently typing out faster than my brain can process. It took so much force of will and stamina to build. It was supposed to be the thing. I must be bad for neglecting it. I had all these big ideas and I did none of them. NONE OF THEM!

Instead of tending that website, I found myself blogging. Instead of adding my newest work to keep the website up to date and fresh, I would come over here and use my art to illustrate ideas I have about the creative process. Sidewalk Face as an entity was developing over here more than it was developing over there. That’s just the facts. The interpretation of the facts remains to be typed out. I am so curious what I am going to say but I am also afraid. I hope I don’t say something that makes me feel bad.

The surest way to get to the truth of something is to see what is being done and what is not being done. We tend to overvalue what we “think” about something but the evidence for our real priorities lies in our actions. The truth is I enjoy writing more than I enjoy organizing the faces into new galleries. I thought putting them into galleries was what I most wanted to do but I was wrong. The other truth is I want to sell them as limited edition prints on a better quality paper. I have been wrestling with this for over a year. The old website is like a boulder blocking me from the path I want to go down, its heaviness formed by the weight of my expectations. It feels like, if I remove it, all my hard work and imagination was for nothing. If I don’t remove it, my future hard work and imagination is imprisoned.

If you really want to do something and you suddenly have the chance, you are one hundred percent doing it. Like if you really want coffee and someone brings you one, you’ve already had a big sip before the end of this sentence.

What I have learned about art is that only the stuff you want to do gets made. Art is totally optional and it’s a lot of work. So, it’s very important to tell ourselves the truth about what we want. It’s very important to nurture the art we are actually capable of making and stop paying any attention at all to the amazing theoretical art we never make.

So, what is the truth about what I want? Hmmmmm… will I keep writing, or refresh my coffee and let this blog post sit for another month, or year or forever?

I want this to be my main website and I want to sell the work over here. I will be changing the name of this blog to sidewalkface.com soon. And I will have something very special to offer soon as well. I am excited!

Thank you to Mary, Joanne and Kerry for your encouragement. You dislodged my unmovable mental boulder by tilting my word view just enough that gravity lost its power. I appreciate that.

 

Bad Outcome

Bad Outcome

Sometimes things are going to take a turn for the worse and there is nothing that can change it. It’s just a matter of which kind of worse. The only options revolve around which aesthetic annoyance will be less intolerable. I picked the worst option but only because I didn’t know until it was too late that it was the worst.

We have a room in the middle of our apartment that serves as the dining room, my office and the art studio. That’s a lot for one room. What a good job it does. Most of the apartment is off white but one wall in the office is painted an olive-y brown. Artwork really pops of this darker color. This wall includes the closet door I use as my studio wall, I hang my abstracts there while I am working on them. Sometimes they go up for five minutes so I can contemplate what to do next, but often they are taped up for several weeks, either waiting to be finished or after they are complete so I can ponder them.

I removed one recently and some of the paint stuck to the back of the tape holding it up. I tried to peel it off in the hope I could glue it back in place, but it crumbled into multiple bits. Insert swear words. I like to swear but I am really trying not to anymore. That’ another post. I was struck with the fact that I could either prioritize making art or prioritize living in a nice-looking home. Of course, I should have saved some of the paint for touch ups. But damn, how many things is one supposed to get right?! Whoops! A little swear blurped out.

It gets worse. I figured if I didn’t have any paint, I would just use one of my colored markers to touch it up. You can see the hideous results for yourself. What an ugly mess. I don’t know what we are going to do. I am so annoyed and yet I don’t know how it could be different. I want to prioritize art. Period! But I also don’t want to live in dilapidation. Oh well. Can’t have it all. But I can put a little eye and mouth on the hideous smear and at least amuse myself. Laughing to keep from crying.