comedy – Page 2 – Sidewalk Face

Non Problems

April 17, 2020by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl4 Comments

I am currently not considering anything a problem that isn’t having coronavirus or economic hardship. So let me tell you about a little non problem that just occurred.

Husband scored english muffins at the dollar store two days ago. Fun! I was hunting for them just now and they weren’t in the usual places. Then I spied them on the newly installed hallway shelf we use to store extra food. You know what’s a cool thing to do to reduce the width of your hallway, put a shelf in! Don’t you hate it if two people can easily pass without body contact. It’s how we hug around here.

So I grab the middle of the bag and it explodes like breakfast confetti all over the floor. Right next to the bag is the plastic do dad that keeps plastic bread sleeves closed. Aghhhhh!

I march indignantly to husband, DID YOU HAVE AN ENGLISH MUFFIN THIS MORNING?! DID YOU NOT RESEAL THE BAG? Yes and yes annoying harridan I am legally wed to! I did that so we wouldn’t have to touch the bag as much because I didn’t wash it after bringing it home. Now who feels like the jackass, woman!

As I type this I can’t make heads or tails of this line of thinking. Would not opening the twisted top really lead to less touching. I can not make my brain figure it out so I blow on the floor muffins, put them back in the bag haphazardly, twist it up, and wash the lower half in the sink with a soapy sponge. Can anyone on the planet earth tell me with any certainty that this was the correct course of action? There is not a single possible way to get a gold star here.

In husbands defense (if you even think he needs a defense, you may be team husband), he just had to cancel an order for a new washer and dryer because it’s 240 volt and we only have 120 and he’s spent the last 48 hours researching the non problem of how to replace our dead washing machine.

But you know what, I am grateful. For real. And my muffin was good.

Art, Humor

All the Good Advice I Didn’t Take

April 16, 2020by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl2 Comments

From my Dad:

If you want to make money, sell a product not yourself

and/or

Get a masters in business, I’ll pay

My response:

Nope, don’t care about money, more interested in freedom

(Wait 20 years and find out freedom is money, whoops!)

From my successful Art World Friends:

Get a Master’s in Fine Art

Make your work bigger

Maybe make your work better (if you can)

My response:

Nope, don’t want to go into debt, would rather spend money taking time off from work and just making art.

Like to keep it little cuz………..that’s just how it comes out? Don’t know how to make it bigger? Don’t want to store big shit?

Can’t make it better but I’m trying.

From various people who care:

Buy a house

My response:

Can’t cuz I didn’t take the earlier advice

—

All of this advice haunts me but I don’t regret my decisions. I think I would be very unhappy and not fit for friendship if I had been employed as a mid level manager these past 20 years. I would probably have a house though. I wonder how it would be decorated?

Culture

This TV Show Put a Ring On It and You Are Invited to the Wedding

August 25, 2014by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl2 Comments

I have to write a dear Louie letter and even a dear Lena letter. I thought those relationships were going exceptionally well but there has been a game changer. I’m in love. If I could become monogamous with a tv show, this would be the one. Broad City.

I’m a little nervous to proclaim my love publicly as this show is super weird and I am not even recommending it unless you totally dig Louie and Girls. It has the former’s lack of formula (x3) and the latter’s emphasis on the female perspective. But what makes it awesome to me is the focus on female friendship. The two lead characters (who are also the writers/show creators) really like each other. The show is about their relationship, how they hang, what they do together, what they say to each other. This reminds me of who I was when I lived in NYC in my early 20s. I am thinking of you Schtoops.

At first, like most shows, Andy and I were watching one a night. After Broad City Still episode 3, we wanted to see the end of episode 2 again because something really funny happened. So we go to episode 2 and rather than skipping to the end, we watch it all again. And then we watch 3 all over, again. All in one night. That has never happened over here before now.

Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson are nuts. The supporting cast is more nuts. All episodes are free from Comedy Central. Here is a house favorite, Episode 6 – Stolen Phone.

http://on.cc.com/1uPnh8S via @ComedyCentral