Relationships – Page 3 – Sidewalk Face

Do These Pants Look Good On Me?

October 3, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl9 Comments

I come in from a dog walk, my husband greets me, strikes a pose and asks the title question. He is wearing a pair of brand new jeans. He wants a simple and enthusiastic yes! Instead he gets an incredulous look and a metric ton of snark.

Are you kidding me with this!?

He hasn’t bought new jeans since the pandemic. It’s been months and months since house arrest. We do go out now. I’ve had to accept the fact that relaxer pants, as he calls them, are the only option. I have said quite a few times, go get yourself some new Levis. Lord have mercy does he look good in new Levis. How does he have these Levis loooking trousers and not know it? Have these fantastic pants been in his drawer unnoticed for a year and a half? Are you telling me he could have worn these jeans to our anniversary dinner? I am paralyzed by bafflement.

After my attempt to physically convey total aghast-ness, I switch gears and yell, You look freaking amazing! Those are the best pants I’ve seen on you in ages!

So, they look ok?

I glare at him.

Just say yes.

Yes. Yes! If by ok, you mean great than yes! Where have these been?

You think the cut is okay?

What are you talking about!?

Is this style alright?

You have only worn one style of jeans the entire time I have known you and this is that style. These jeans are perfect on you.

They don’t look weird anywhere?

Where?! Where do they look weird? Point to the problem.

He just shrugs.

They could not look one bit better. Please do not take them off.

So, you like them?

I am screaming what he wants to hear in an aggrieved tone. Why isn’t he be placated?

NEVER BE WITHOUT THESE EXCEPTIONALLY FLATTERING JEANS!

He sips his coffee then exits the kitchen.

I often ask him if my hair looks okay, my long straight hair which hasn’t been out of a braid or ponytail since I was eight years old. Not much to comment on. But he wants you to know he always says it looks nice and then says nothing else. What a lovely man. Doesn’t he look good in his new pants.

Art, Relationships

Flowery Advice to Shut Up!

August 24, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl9 Comments

My husband and I had our dumbest fight ever. It was about whether or not to include pinenuts in a pasta dish. I didn’t care and he wanted them. That is totally AOK. No issues at all. I like pine nuts. But I wanted him to understand my perspective and after explaining it for quite a while, he said he no longer wanted pinenuts. That was not at all what I was trying to achieve. I wanted understanding. He wanted release from being made to understand. What to do?!

A few days later I wrote the following paragraph as advice to myself. It’s very useful and necessary for me, maybe less so for people who don’t talk so much or who don’t have an obsessive need to communicate their every inner rumination.

Try to swallow your complaints, your perspective, your need to be understood on your own terms. Try not having terms. Your terms are as a sandcastle to the surf of other. Try to enjoy merging with the ocean. It’s going to happen regardless of your compliant.

On another note, these are a few recent abstracts from my current little book. I plan to write about them soon. I’ve been doing theme and variation on the idea of grid.

Relationships

Being Needed

July 23, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl4 Comments

We are selfish and we want what we want. Yet true pleasure, safety and comfort comes from connection. Connection makes demands. Connection demands that we drop our plans.

When you have to do that and you feel resentment creeping in, tell yourself this is the price you agreed to pay to be in intimacy. When you imagined weathering hard times, these are them. You are weathering. Good job!

Being of service is the apex state you can be in. But it’s only achievable from the stable platform of health and a solid sense of self. You can’t give to others what you don’t have. So, include yourself in who you serve. Give yourself credit for all the hard stuff you do. Appreciate the people who need you. Remember the best hug you ever had? That person definitely needed you.