Humor – Page 8 – Sidewalk Face

Everything is Stupid and I Hate It. Coffee Edition.

May 7, 2020November 17, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl2 Comments

Husband is in charge of coffee. He does a bang up job and can head the department for life as far as the board of my directors is concerned. Until a few days ago we never had a single complaint filed. But. Pandemic.

We had a lot of coffee on hand when it started but of course we guzzled through it. Is it just us or do you also find that no amount of coffee seems to make this go away?

The problem is we have a very narrow range of what we like which is precisely one coffee product. Cost Plus’s french roast. We buy it in 24 oz bags which last about 2 weeks. Cost is $9.99.

Husband had been trying all week to order more online and it seemed to be doable but the final place order button just wouldn’t activate. Argh! Eventually he did it through his phone. All good except 12 days for delivery but only 1 day of good coffee left in house.

You know how annoying it is to get suggestions on how to do your job from someone who doesn’t know jack shit? Well that’s me and my Clean Floors Department thinking we know dick all about coffee purchasing. I suggest he buy a small bag from the fancy coffee shop down the street to tide us over. I hard sell it thusly: No one in shop, no disease catching and for sweetener, supporting local business!

So Husband goes to deserted coffee shop and for $21 comes back with 2 cups of beans. Two cups! A third of our normal bag, at six times the price. Well at least it’s going to be the most awesome heirloom coffee of our lives, right?

We hated it!

Capital H Hated it! Talked about it for two hours hated it. Close inspection of the package read, notes: blueberry, lemon, redston fruite, chocolate. Husband said I am buying coffee, not fruit salad. This wasn’t flavored coffee guys, this is the expensive hipster best seller! I don’t get it! Maybe the problem is medium roast. I like my coffee to resemble tar in both color and consistancy.

We went back to drinking some Ikea coffee that had previously been considered trash and now seems pretty tasty. Counting the days until Cost Plus delivers.

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Just in case you don’t know me and this isn’t obvious, these aren’t real problems and I’m not really upset about them. We are so lucky in so many ways. I am using humor to cope with my fear and dismay about the ongoing tragedy around us. Please stay as safe as you can and be kind to others.

Dogs, Humor

I’m a better dog than my dogs.

May 6, 2020September 25, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-OwlLeave a Comment

I saw a squirrel and they didn’t. Ha!

He was only 6 feet away from us on the ground so closer to their eye line then mine. We starred at each other for moment until he decided we were inconsequential and kept nibbling on whatever he had found. The dogs were sniffing the grass for dog pee with laser focus. Can’t be bothered too look around, must inhale these fantastic ammonia fumes.

So you know what dogs, I win! I’m the more observant dog. Take that!

Art, Humor

Making Art is Like Organizing Cooked Spaghetti Part 2

May 4, 2020September 25, 2021by Sidewalk Face at Eagle-Crow-Owl2 Comments

Can’t believe you missed part 1, the essay everyone is talking about even though it was written 5 years ago. Link at the bottom. Catch up!

While looking through old posts, this title made me smile. Yep! That still sounds right. I think I will elaborate.

Let’s start with the point of it all, as in is there one? Is there ever a good or necessary reason to organize cooked spaghetti? I can’t think of one. Just put it on the plate and eat, right? I’ve never thought of my belly as an organizational device before but sure, that’s a good if temporary place to store cooked noodles while we strip them of nutrients. Otherwise, if there is too much, put it in Tupperware. It’s organized in the sense that it’s not co-mingling with other leftovers and I can find it again. But if I had to organize it strand by strand, it would be really hard and seem pointless. Just like art!

I think you know I don’t really find art pointless but surely you have had the experience of looking hard for this particular point and having a hard time locating it. Art is so messy and irrational. Art is mysterious and defiant. Art is useless and compelling. Art is strange and upsetting. Art is for eating, not for organizing. Art is for contemplation not for transaction.

It may be more accurate to say that justifying art making is like organizing limp noodles. It’s so easy to cook spaghetti and it’s pretty to listen to music and draw in a little book or make a face out of an evaporating water splotch on the sidewalk. The harder job to say explain to one’s self why this is a reasonable acitivity. To formulate a coherent, satisfying and convincing argument for why this process should be repeated over and over. To give one’s self a satisfactory explanation for why the resources of time and money are being used to fund so much unnecessary visual detritus.

Let’s say you did organize the heck out of those gelatinous strands of cooked Italian dough. Then what?! Would you be excited if someone very close to you, such as your very own self, informed you it would now become a regular part of the work week. Maybe.

Making the art is easy, understanding the art is hard. Justifying the art is impossible.

I make art because I don’t know how else to deal with reality.

Link to Part 1

Making Art is Like Organizing Cooked Spaghetti