Picture an unopened container, the classic waxed cardboard type, not plastic, that expired several days ago and has been left to sit out on the dish drain unrefrigerated for several days.
Slowly pour it down the drain while running water.
Place in nearly full garbage can. Then heap additional garbage on top so that the container can no longer be seen. Make sure the topping garbage is threatening to spill out in such a way that no additional garbage can confidently go in. Leave this situation for wife to discover when she is trying to put new garbage into the bin.
This wife has a great technique for creating more space. She compacts the garbage by gently folding the bag’s upper flaps over each other and then stepping on it with all her weight. Normally this gets you another half day of usage before needing to take outside. Normally this does not ruin your Nike sneakers.
It’s like the garbage masturbated on my shoe with spoiled milk. Ewh!
So that’s what that low base pompf sound was.
The son and husband got on a plane and left me alone in my own home for the first time in over a decade. I have been fantasizing about this scenerio during my motherhood years like other people fantasize about winning the lottery. Expectations ran high.
It will surprise no one that nothing hoped for has came to pass. The biggest culprit by far is a mojo eridicating cold that gets worse not better as the days wear on. It’s pretty hard to live the dream drowning in snot. I also have a significant amount of work. That’s why I am not traveling with the clan in the first place. Shouldn’t be a big deal. I like my work and it’s easier to work when alone. Let’s just say if all I wanted from this holiday was to work, I’d be yelling thank you Santa!
What were my hopes for this period? They are so ridiculously mundane how could their being dashed even register. I wanted to scrub and mop the kitchen floor. I wanted to get everything clean the way I do on the weekends and then enjoy it staying clean all week since nobody including me was going to use anything. If that went well, I thought I would neaten up a couple book shelves. Can you believe it? The fun I had planned! Last but not least, and way less modest, I was going to make some art. The kind you make when no one is bugging you and time is on your side. I don’t know what kind that is, I was curious to find out. I made some a long time ago and it was interesting.
What I have actually been doing is not cleaning anything, and I mean ANYTHING, including not washing out a frying pan soaking in water that had been used to sauté shrimp 5 days ago. The smell under that lid, I shudder. Poor Andy, do you think he will have to clean it when he gets back?
This is so not like me.
All of my meals have been either take out or almonds or coffee. I have watched quite a few episodes of Justified. I like Raylan. I like the way he smiles really friendly when he is mad. I want to try that.
Last night my throat hurt so I heated up some ginger tea, added the cayenne, honey and lemon like you do. You know what could take that drink to another level? Bourbon. It did. That’s my accomplishment, turing my home remedy into a cocktail. Cheers!
And you know what, that must have helped. I’m not about being bitter and boiling in disappointment so I have a new goal for this “break” and I am well on my way to achieving it. I am going to turn Decaf into MY dog. He’s our family dog and he loves me already but his heart belongs to Andy who has deserved this as he feeds him and does all the late night dogs walks as well as most of the other walks. But now I have the upper hand. I am giving him cheese and letting him eat all the gross meat bits he can find in the park. He is sitting on my lap right now. In life you have got to roll with the punches, even when you thought you were going to smell the roses.